Life is Never Binary
As much as I’ve made my living over the past four decades from computers, an inherently binary system, my successes or failures have never been binary. I’ve written about breadcrumbs in my life before and, in retrospect, I can see how a positive has come out of a negative situation. Nothing that has happened has ever been completely good or absolutely bad.
Overcoming Performance Anxiety
I’ve always had a crippling fear of performing in front of people, which is funny because my dream as a teen was to be a rock star. Delusional teenage Kevin even bought a cheap Les Paul knock-off guitar to fulfill this dream. Inexpensive guitars today are pretty awesome, but back in the ‘70s, cheap guitars were horrible instruments — mine was no exception. After years of lessons on a clunky guitar, my skills improved at a snail’s pace and I never felt I was good enough to play for anyone. When I started college and found I had more natural skills for writing computer software than music, I discarded my dreams of touring and playing in a band.
2017: A Good Year for Me
There was a lot to be angry and sad about during 2017, but I can't afford to start a new year focusing on the negatives. Life is just too short to waste time on the darkness. Instead, I'm going to begin 2018 by reflecting on the positives over the last 12 months.
Taking Risks
This article is for my children. It will probably be ignored, as is most parental advice, but I need at least to do my part to communicate the power of taking risks in life.
Moments
Life is full of little gems; those moments that you want to bask in and never leave.
Today was a sunny Saturday morning and we had just finished breakfast. Judy and I were sharing a decadent, almond milk mocha—sharing one eases the calorie guilt—when she looked at me and said, “I don't want to move.” I was confused for a second, but then it clicked that my lovely wife meant, “move from this moment.” And the moment was good.
Bowie
Growing up a middle-class, white kid in the suburbs of Buffalo, New York with parents 40 years older than me and siblings nearly half that much, the majority of the music in our house flowed from the ‘40s and ‘50s. One of the first songs I remember hearing that woke me up was Revolution. I was too young to understand why that song impacted me so very much when it first came out, but it created a hunger in me for new music.
Coping
After driving to the hospital and delivering him to his room, I told him that I was very disappointed in him for giving up like this. I said that he used to be a fighter and this was so unlike him. The look on his face as he replied, “I'm trying, Kev,” broke my heart, but I thought he needed tough love to push through this setback.
Later that night Judy answered the phone, turned to me with tears in her eyes, and broke the news that my father was dead.
Enough
Playing it safe isn’t an option if I want to be able to look back on this time and know that I did enough. Judy and I have been given so many opportunities with our new careers, our new city, and our new lifestyle—we can’t afford to squander this time. For me, doing enough means not letting fear drive decisions. I can’t be afraid to take on new challenges at work or try new experiences in my personal life. Keep growing and continue evolving is the plan.